Did It Suck Movie Reviews

Archive for January, 2010

Review:    2 Stars     Rated:     PG

The peoples Tooth Fairy flies into theaters fully loaded with manly wings and leotards.

Plot: Derek Thompson (Dwayne Johnson aka The Rock) is a Hockey player enforcer thats lost touch with his dreams and expresses his ill-faith bluntly to people that have their own.
Fairy land has declared that Mr. Thompson is a menace to hopes and dreams and is sentenced to two weeks Tooth Fairy duty.

As much as this film Sucked overall,  I found myself laughing more times then I expected to.  Kids 10 and under will probably enjoy this silly film more then anyone and it should do quite well when the DVD comes out.  Wait for the DVD and spend it with the kids cuddled up on the couch.

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- Dan Kersey

Review:     1 Star     Rated:     R

Look out ! God is mad at the world and tired of all the crap we fight over,  He’s sent his Legion of angels to destroy us.

In Legion we follow the efforts of a small group of people, accompanied by an angel, stranded at a desert roadside cafe who are trying to survive the extermination of the human race when God decides he no longer has faith in man.

The opening sequence in which we see Michael, the angel, arrive is good and shows promise, but this is followed by almost 10 minutes of slow sequences.  Unfortunately this fast/slow pairing continues throughout the movie, and really detracts from the experience.  In most of the slow parts the characters are seen talking to each other, and seemingly telling each other moral stories, and I think this is the overall aim of the movie, to try to show us what will happen if we don’t all behave.  This really failed if that is what the movie makers wanted.

To add in the dislike of this movie, the action sequences are fairly dull, as are most of the characters.  The interactions of the two main angels, Michael and Gabriel, (Paul Bettany and Kevin Duand), were above par compared to the rest of the movie but that is not enough to save it.  If you’ve seen the trailer you’ve seen the best parts and should save yourself some money.  I’ll give it 1 star, just for the trailer and good marketing, but unfortunately it isn’t even worth renting, so Don’t Bother.

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-Andy Hughes

Review:     2.5 Stars     Rated:     PG

A cute family movie staring Jackie Chan and Amber Valletta, (who recently starred in Gamer).

Bob Ho (Chan) plays an international spy ready for retirement and settle down with his new found love, Gillian (Valletta).  Everything is going as planed for Bob until a new mission is assigned to him and its his most challenging one yet, looking after Gillian’s kids.

Jackie Chan is one of my favorite action stars and is always fun to watch.  This movie is really geared towards kids and more-so to the 13 and under crowed.  However, in saying that, I still had fun watching Jackie Chan’s Martial arts moves in this low budget bad acting film.  Wait for the DVD, kids will love it.

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- Dan Kersey

Review:     3 Stars     Rated:     PG-13

The Lovely Bones, don’t let the strange name or the previews fool you in thinking this movie is a typical stalker/killer film.  Peter Jackson directs this film based from the original novle by Alice Sebold

Take a trip beyond an ordinary murder movie into a story thats narrated by the murdered Suzy Salmon (Saoirse Ronan).  Suzy is in the afterlife, somewhere between heaven and earth,  she watches her family and her killer continue on with life.  She is a restless spirit not ready to let go until she’s ready.

Visually stunning with incredible sound and camera artistry. Unfortunately I found the story lacking the intensity needed to balance it out.  Most of the supporting characters including the killer had very little depth in which to feel anything for them.  I did enjoy the film, though please note, I never read the book. The beautiful visual effects were well worth seeing on the big screen, but the rest was not enough to justify a ticket, Wait For The DVD , or maybe Don’t Bother seeing it at all.

- Dan Kersey

Review:     2.5 Stars     Rated:     R

30 years of walking through the sands of an aftermath is going to make your lips a little chapped.  The Book of Eli takes us on an adventure into a desolate post war future.

Eli (Denzel Washington), is carrying a book that holds great value to the post war survivors.  Most of them can’t read but for those who can, they want this book for reasons of their own; to them its worth more than its weight in water.  Eli is on a mission to take this book west to an unknown destination, but he’ll know it when he gets there.  On his little quest he picks up an unwanted tag-along,  Solara (Mila Kunis), who proves to be somewhat useful along the way.

Incredible post apocalyptic scenery and some cool action sequences; and, thats all I can say I liked about this film. Slow and dragged-out and the story had a lot of loose-ends, so needless to say, I was quite disappointed.  Defiantly Wait For the DVD, but its bordering on almost not worth renting.

- Dan Kersey

Review:     3.5 Stars     Rated:     PG

Rock-out to some Irish music and drink the beer, walk along the old country roads and checkout a castle.  Dance a little, crash a wedding and eat yourself a good’ol hang sandwich.  All this in a little love story called Leap Year

Anna Brady (Amy Adams) is on her way to propose to her boyfriend of 4 years.  An old Irish Tradition or Folklore, allows a woman to propose on Leapday; this is what Amy plans to do, but…… Due to stormy weather Amy is forced off her schedule into an uncharted  adventure with a man she pays to get to her destination, Declan O’Callaghan, played by Matthew Goode.

Watching this movie made me want to go on a vacation with all the beautiful scenery and landscapes shown.  This is truly a romantic movie and never deviates away from its romantic grounds.  It has some good funny and even sad moments.  What I really liked about this film is how inviting and simple it is, yet it could still draw your emotions in with the characters.  This is definitely a date movie and Worth a Ticket for that night out, but Wait For The DVD if you are a cheap date.

- Dan Kersey

Review:     3 Stars     Rated:     R

Its not how you apply the sunblock to the pretty girl, its how long you take before you get burnt.   Nick, is the “I’m going to die a virgin” geek, in which he finally finds a girl that is interested in him.

Boy meets girl, girl makes boy do bad things. Nick Twisp (Michael Cera) plays a 135lb teenager thats in love with the only girl that has ever paid any attention to him. Nick is doing everything and anything he can to be close to Sheeni Saunders, the girl (Portia Doubleday). Nick creates an alternate persona with a bad ass attitude in order to get what he’s after, and at the same time is trying to lose something, if you get the meaning.

LOL, I’d be sticking my fingers in my ears and saying “lalalalalalala” at the conversations between Nick and his friend Lefty if I was in the same room with them. This is a silly and funny film which is geared towards a younger crowed. All this for a girl, but Wait For The DVD, unless you have a hot date and can’t say no.

- Dan Kersey

Review:     3 Stars     Rated:     R

A different approach to a Vampire movie as we find our blood sucking friends in somewhat of a vulnerable situation as their main food supply, humans, is running a little thin.

Some type of plague has change the human race into Vampires.  The remaining humans are hunted and harvested for their blood.  Ethan Hawke Plays a hematologist  looking for a blood supplement due to the fact humans are a dying breed and the lack of blood is a major problem for this Vampire run world.

I‘m really sitting on the fence with this movie because it has a lot of good movie stuff which makes it worth seeing.  On the other hand, it had very little bite in the story, even though it was interesting and thought through.  The cinematography was very good but action sequences were either overdone or lacking.   Willem Dafoe was the best part of this movie, at least he fired off some humor where the entire film cast seemed to be emotionless. I did like the movie but sad to say … Its more of a renter.

- Dan Kersey

Review:     3.5 Stars     Rated: PG-13

Creativity in the hands of directer Terry Gilliam, (The Adventures of Baron Munchausen -and- Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas),  gives us an interesting movie that can only be described as an adventuristic story in a fantastical imaginatory playground of quantitve proportions.

The great Dr. Parnassus, was granted immortality after winning a bet with the Devil.  The good Doctor falls in love, and the Devil wagers yet another deal to give up his mortality for youth.  But making a deal with the Devil never seems to go in ones own favour as now his only daughter is caught in her fathers selfish dealings.

NOTE: Johnny Depp,  Jude Law and Colin Farrell step up after Heath Ledger dies during the production.

Going into this movie with no expectations was the best thing I could have done.  I walked out of the theater still trying to figure out what I just saw, but, at the same time was very pleased with the level of unique and imaginary creativity that was done in this film.   Although the movie was a little slow I didn’t feel too bad paying to see such an interesting film, however, I think that most people will want to Wait For The DVD.

- Dan Kersey